I can’t help but compare myself with other guys, and I’m worried about how I look.
Often the only naked bodies that we see are those that we see in films, on TV, newspapers, ‘men’s health’, online, in magazines, Youtube, and even pornography. Most of the naked bodies we see are muscly, tanned, not very hairy and don’t have pimples (‘spots’ for Brits) or rashes. If we compare ourselves with the bodies we see in these places, we might think that we aren’t very attractive. It’s not a great idea to compare. People you see have do lots of things to keep their body looking that way—some are healthy (like working out) but others can be painful and harmful like extreme dieting, tanning, and waxing.
But things like sex and pleasure aren’t just about how you look—it’s about your mind and even your relationship with your partner.
So, what can you do if you are worried? Getting the right information is important (like reading this site.) When you are at the doctor’s office, ask for some alone time with the doctor to share a bit about your worries. Even if they don’t know the answers themselves, they can connect you with someone who can.
I have these white spots on my penis. They don't hurt or itch or anything, but what are they? Should I be worried?
Often, people have the idea that the texture of the genitals is supposed to be very smooth, when in fact, it can be kind of bumpy in texture.
You might be normal sweat glands, which tend to be more visible on the shaft of the penis, especially on the underside, towards your scrotum. You might also be looking at hair follicles, which can tend to look a bit chicken-skin like. Those follicles are more noticeable in some places, like on the penis or scrotum.
The white spots may also be Fordyce's spots— tiny white or yellowish spots, usually found on head or the shaft of the penis—which are nothing to worry about. They are already present at birth but don't tend to reveal themselves until puberty. They aren’t a sign of anything bad, and they're very common (around 90% of guys have them.) They are a type of sebaceous (oil) gland, and everyone's genitals have lots of sebaceous glands to keep the skin moist and smooth with oils. Without them, we'd be pretty uncomfortable, especially during sex.
If (and when) you have a sexual partner, no matter their gender, if you really look at their genitals, you'll probably see Fordyce's spots and other visible sebaceous glands and bumps. They are usually totally harmless and nothing to be embarrassed about.
If you like, you can discuss this with your doctor. The next time you're in for a general checkup, you can simply mention your concern to your healthcare provider, and they can have a look. That's going to be the best person to determine what these spots are and if you've any cause for concern since they'll be able to see them in person.
I can’t seem to control my erections. Help!
I want an erection, but it doesn’t happen. Why?
Sometimes, you really want an erection, and you can’t get one, or it goes away?
This might happen when your body senses that you’re not relaxed. You might be worried about something else (being naked, sex, condoms, your partner, etc.) Worrying can be the culprit. If this happens, try to relax, breathe and try to get into the zone again. You need to take pressure off yourself.
My erection isn’t dead straight and sometimes is painful. Why?
An erection happens when lots of blood rushes to the penis and remains there, making it more sensitive to touch. The soft tissue gets stiff and extra skin that normally folds up, stretches out now, making space for all that blood. And, the same thing can happens to the clitoris.
Most guys have a slight bend one way or the other, and their erections are not dead straight. As long as the bend is not painful and not changing, it usually isn’t a problem.
Some guys with differences of sex development may have a bit of loose skin around their penis that makes their penis more curved (a.k.a. ‘chordee’). It might make erections hurt a bit. Be sure to let your doctor know if you have any pain when you have an erection. Generally, erections should feel pretty good (when they happen at the right times)
I don’t have a foreskin—will this affect what I feel during sex?
We don’t really know the answer. Some men are circumcised for religious or cultural reasons when they were babies/children. All we can say is that there are some people who are happy with their circumcised penis and others not.
What can you do if you are worried? Consider using lubricants, which can moisturize the skin and prevent it from getting dry or sore. Also consider using condoms which have lubricant as well.
‘Doing it’—or not. Is it normal not to have had sex?
Sometimes, it might seem like you’re the only one who still hasn’t ‘done it.’ But you’re wrong. Not having sex until after age 16 really is pretty average.
First off, a lot of people lie about losing their virginity. And this just makes peopleeven more insecure. If you feel pressure to have sex for the first time, it’s not a rat race. Take your time.
Sex will be there when you are ready for it. Think about what the right reasons are for you.
Also, the right person won’t mind if you want to wait. Sex is a big physical and emotional step. If you aren’t ready, listen to your instincts and wait.
Why is my ejaculation not very strong?
How come no or very little sperm comes out when I have an orgasm?
Around 99% of ejaculate (also called ‘cum’) is semen, which helps to provide energy and assistance for the sperm. Only about 1% is actual sperm, but in each load of cum, there can be up to 150 million of sperm cells.
Some men produce 1 or 2 teaspoons of ejaculate, others don’t. In some guys with differences of sex development (DSD), it is very thick and sticky and in others more watery. Some DSD affects ejaculate more than others. If you have questions, definitely speak with your doctor to learn more.
Remember, if you are having penetrative sex with a partner, even if you do not ejaculate fully, some sperm can still escape from your penis. So always practice safer sex.