Attraction & sexuality: who do I like?

When it comes to ‘liking’ (or British ‘fancying’) someone, everyone is different. Some people find short hair sexy—others don’t. Some people like a certain style of dressing. We like someone’s personality and sense of humor. Or even certain parts of the body (butts/bums; boobs/breasts; abs; jaws.) Once you go through puberty, many people know what and who they find sexy.

Part of that can be figuring out whether you like guys or girls. And, it could also mean going through periods of not liking anyone, too.

Much of this depends on where you are. Some people find it easy to go on dates with people they like and let others know they like them. For others, it might be harder to do that. Some are comfortable and able to approach people they find attractive. And many people are in-between. They think about these things—who they like and why—from time to time.

It’s pretty typical to question who you like as you grow up—whether you like guys or girls, whether you like certain styles, and whether you like people with certain personalities.

We believe there is no right or wrong answer to these questions. What matters most to us is that you feel supported approaching them.

If you are finding it hard to navigate relationships, your sexuality, and who you like, consider talking to a thoughtful adult or person you trust, respect, and feel comfortable with. Questioning the world—and who you like—is a normal part of growing up. Many perspectives can be helpful, even if they are not exactly the same as your own.

Questioning can happen to anyone, and having a difference of sex development (DSD) doesn’t mean you have to, at all. Some people with similar differences have questioned who they are attracted to and many have found lots of support during that process.

Sexuality and who we love is sometimes made into an issue of morality. People often break down into a discussion of whether this part of who we are is “natural” or something we choose. We find this troublesome, because who we love is affected by so many different things—both in our body and our experiences. We encourage each of you to find people who are supportive and loving for you, throughout your process of questioning.

who do I want to become?